In A Lifetime

We, in a lifetime, come across people who are total idiots, others that will only be in your life for a bit and occasionally we meet people who are just simply amazing. We don’t always realize these people are amazing until we let them go. We, in a lifetime, will live random deceptions and rare moments of joy, and sometimes we happen to feel happy. The feeling only lasts a moment and you only realize what it was when it’s gone. We, in a lifetime, live strange and inexplicable moments that can shake our belief system to its very core…

I’ve written before about believing in love (Love Happens), but the skepticism always comes running back even with the countless people who have oh-so-perfect love stories to prove that love can be real and can happen. I somehow once again not quite understand how things are. It’s not really about being in a relationship, it’s about love, just love. Everytime I think how someone has found love, the real thing, it seems to disappear and no one understands where it went. Is it hiding or is it lost?

As I think of the idiots who I like for no reason, and the people who preach about love for no reason, I think back to the amazing people I let go. Some of them, I still talk to even though it’s painful to think this is the closest I’ll ever be to them, I can’t stop trying to go back to them. I’m addicted to the pain.

I look around me as I hear the sound of my heart aching while I’m waiting for the beep of my phone alerting me I have a message. Even though it’s what I want, it’s not what I need. I see in the corner my math homework and I finally decide to get it and open it. It’s not much distraction as I hear my phone beep.

We, in a lifetime, we will love and get lost. After all, that’s the only way people find each other…

Love Happens

It’s not often we see a true love story. Not the kind we see at the movies or read from a book. The kind of love story that is real and that makes you believe that there’s such a thing as a real and true love story. We rarely believe in that kind of love because we sometimes hear those stories about a friend of friend, we just never quite entirely believe them. I am one of the most septic people when it comes to main stream feelings about love, but once in a blue moon you meet someone to change that.

The story starts with two friends. They are good friends and have been for a very long time. They aren’t exactly what seems like a perfect match and situations weren’t always favourable between the two of them, but somehow something clicked. Them being together wasn’t the most obvious choice and it was the most irrational, but love isn’t rational. It’s quite the opposite. It makes everything become so bright and yet so easily very dark.

They took a risk because that’s what didn’t make any sense and because it was love. The risk factor didn’t matter because even if love were to blow up in their faces, the time that the love would have lasted would have been worth the pain. The exquisite pain they had been so addicted to in the past was the reason why they finally were honest with themselves and gave in to love.

It doesn’t matter how little you believe in it, how imperfect the time is or how little it makes sense, once in a while things happen that you can’t explain. Things that will comfort a septic and that will make them believe that in the end love will happen.

Little Too Much

To my friend Sacha.

When I last thought about it, love was so complicated and I felt as if we always wanted love, as if it was a drug, but then I thought maybe I’m the one who’s not taking enough chances. I mean, I always complain about the fact that I’m unlucky in love, but am I putting myself out there enough? Perhaps not, I’m so busy trying to figure out love that maybe I’ve forgotten to give myself a chance to love. Can we possibly find love if we are not even giving ourselves a chance…

Yes, I’m the example of the person not giving myself a chance. But on the other hand there are the people who don’t give others a chance. By not giving others a chance, they’re not even giving themselves a chance. Sometimes those people are scared to love; it’s the fear of being rejected perhaps. But with that fear comes the fact that if you prevent yourself from rejection, you’re also not allowing a chance for love.

Let’s not forget the people who give too many chances. In a way it may be better than those who don’t, but it’s a source of dilemma. It’s risky in a way where you might end up hurting everyone else causing you pain.

Let’s face it, chances or not; it’s always a source of pain. It’s exquisite pain, not the one of torture although it sometimes seems like it. It’s not physical, but only emotional. For some reason, we always come back to it, time after time. We must be addicted to it just as much as we are to love. Everybody hurts a little too much, it’s never quite enough, so let’s love and risk it all. I’d rather love just a little too much.